Ana’s Reason 3.

Series: Under the Surface – Ana’s 13 Reasons Why A series of posts uncovering what is really beneath my anorexia and depression. Reason 1: Genetic Temperament Traits Reason 2: Inheritance Reason 3: My parents’ marriage. And divorce. And remarriage. To each other. MAKE A DECISION. These people couldn’t decide if they wanted to be together or not. Marriage – Attempt 1 (1975-1986) In 1975, they got married on October 11th. As far as I remember, they had a strained marriage. They were as different as possible: Mama – emotional, hot tempered, depressed (like, really), fierce, determined, kept changing everything around…

It’s not that I don’t want to live…

If you watched last week’s episode of the new show A Million Little Things (you should, it’s great), you heard a character explain this: Of people who jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, only 1% survive. But, 100% of that 1% said they regretted it the moment they jumped. One said, “It’s not that I don’t want to live. It’s that I don’t want to live like this.” YES. That’s it. In January, I was diagnosed with anorexia AND depression. Most of this blog has focused on the anorexia part. It’s more concrete (even though it’s extremely nebulous), more visible, and…

Recovery Roller Coaster.

My least favorite ride is the Recovery Roller Coaster. Up and down goes the Recovery Roller Coaster. One day I’m UP. Eating three meals and two snacks (my latest directive from Kristen, my dietitian/therapist/all-the-things extraordinaire). I have even wondered some days if I’ve eaten intuitively that day…and then wondered if it’s intuitive if I have to ask? Isn’t intuitive by definition something that just happens naturally? Then I go DOWN. When I look in the mirror right now, I see a big tummy and big legs. My top half is still okay but bigger than it was. I miss seeing…

What do you want to read?

Ideas ruminating for posts…what intrigues YOU most to read? Leave yours in the comments! You can’t be brave without being scared My body is an instrument, not an ornament Body Neutral (the new Body Positive) Genes load the gun and environment pulls the trigger I’m not sick enough to write this I AM Jesse’s Girl Fat is not a feeling I have a fear of telling you my fear foods Hi, I’m Peggy and I’m anorexic. (Hi, Peggy.) A spectacular failure Other?  

Friendships 101: From “Getting Coffee” to “Netflix & Chill”

How do you, as an adult who is no longer in school, move beyond “Getting Coffee” friendships to “Netflix & Chill” friendships?   Definition of Terms: “Getting Coffee” friendships (GCFs): people that crossed paths with you at some point in your life and had enough of a connection that you “get coffee” every few months to catch up on each other’s lives, not communicating in between except to schedule said “get coffee” date Two GCF sub-types: Local: Random text after not speaking for months asking to get together “for coffee” to “catch up”. You spend exactly one hour, manically trying…

On aging and anorexia.

Now that I’ve actually been to treatment, the professionals say I’ve actually had anorexia since I was 24 (2002). You can go to My Story page, my Life Narrative, and/or Diary of a Psychological Anorexic for the full scoop. That is sixteen years or more than 1/3 of my entire life. And that’s with an official diagnosis. Let’s just call it a full 1/2 has been spent either actually with a disorder or with significant disordered thoughts and behaviors. When I went to residential, there were sixteen of us. As a 40 year old wife and mom, I was THE…