Mamaritas

Last night, I went out for “Mamaritas,” my friend’s term for a group of moms going out for margaritas. In order to go, I had to do some things that I’m not accustomed to: Commit about 10 days in advance Hire a babysitter for LK (the first one ever) Stay up past 8:30pm Socialize in a normal setting I seriously contemplated backing out up until about an hour before. I really wanted to be in my pajamas and sleep. I wasn’t sure what I would eat. I was pretty sure I would be awkward. I prepped myself with a bowl…

Ana’s Reason 12.

Series: Under the Surface – Ana’s 13 Reasons Why A series of posts uncovering what is really beneath my anorexia and depression. Reason 1: Genetic Temperament Traits Reason 2: Inheritance Reason 3: My parents’ marriage. And divorce. And remarriage. To each other. Reason 4: Genes load the gun. Environment pulls the trigger. Reason 5: Mama dies. Reason 6: Unrequited Love. Repeatedly. Reason 7: I never left college. Reason 8: I went from only child/grandchild to orphan in three months. Reason 9: Stuck in Seattle. Reason 10: Friendless. Reason 11: 2600 miles from family and framily. Reason 12. All things post-partum….

Ana’s Reasons 9-11.

For two reasons, I’m combining Ana’s Reasons 9-11: They feel super intertwined to the point that I’m not sure how to write separate posts about them, yet they feel distinct enough to warrant each being a reason. I’m getting tired of this series and ready to move on. I’m not sure anymore that  ruminating on all the whys of Ana is helpful, and in fact, may be starting to become detrimental to my recovery. Series: Under the Surface – Ana’s 13 Reasons Why A series of posts uncovering what is really beneath my anorexia and depression. Reason 1: Genetic Temperament…

Ana’s Reason 6.

Series: Under the Surface – Ana’s 13 Reasons Why A series of posts uncovering what is really beneath my anorexia and depression. Reason 1: Genetic Temperament Traits Reason 2: Inheritance Reason 3: My parents’ marriage. And divorce. And remarriage. To each other. Reason 4: Genes load the gun. Environment pulls the trigger. Reason 5: Mama dies. Reason 6. Unrequited Love. Repeatedly. Not long ago, I posted a vignette about my first crush and how he asked me to eat lunch with him, but I was too shy and said no and he moved away and then moved back and became…

Ana’s Reason 5.

Series: Under the Surface – Ana’s 13 Reasons Why A series of posts uncovering what is really beneath my anorexia and depression. Reason 1: Genetic Temperament Traits Reason 2: Inheritance Reason 3: My parents’ marriage. And divorce. And remarriage. To each other. Reason 4: Genes load the gun. Environment pulls the trigger. Reason 5. Mama dies. As coincidence might have it, today is the day for Reason #5, which I wrote a long time ago: Mama dies. Today is also the 21st anniversary of her death. Mama was one of a kind. She had kidney problems from early in life,…

Ana’s Reason 2.

Series: Under the Surface – Ana’s 13 Reasons Why A series of posts uncovering what is really beneath my anorexia and depression. Reason 1: Genetic Temperament Traits Reason 2: Inheritance. Anyone else think they inherited a lot of who they are from their parents? Maybe hair color, eye color, body shape? For me, I can identify those things and also a few more. Each of my parents had a host of both mental and physical illnesses. As I have explored the whys of Ana, I have to think that my parents passed down at least some of it to me….