Anorexia, recovery, and privilege

Eating disorders do not discriminate, but what about the idea of having privilege to have an ed? Or having privilege in order to recover?

The Recovery Food Pendulum

How many of you recognize this pattern as something you have engaged in, for perhaps many years? SWING INTO RESTRICTIVE EATING! Track calories, restrict fun foods, exercise to burn whatever fun foods I screw up and eat, track more calories, BLAST myself mentally. If I eat anything “bad”, I’m a bad person. If I eat,…

Jesse’s Girl: Support in Recovery

So, the song goes, “I wish that I had Jessie’s girl,” because some dude is lusting after his friend’s woman. This post isn’t so much about that. In my head that song is more like other girls singing, “I wish that I was Jesse’s Girl” because let me tell you, my man is the good…

Want to #feelallthefeels? Try this…

Have you ever realized when you say, “I feel fat,” that can’t possibly be true? In daytime treatment, at nearly every meal, this conversation took place: Therapist: How do you feel? Client: I feel fat. Therapist: Fat is not a feeling. How do you feel? Client (in their head): As a person with anorexia… I…

After 40 years, God showed up.

So, Jesus and me. We have had a long and winding journey. I followed Jesus as a Christian for 15 years, from age 14-29. Highlights of this time include: Being at church 5-7 days per week during high school Going to a tiny Baptist university in Arkansas Going to Africa as a missionary for two…

The power of a doughnut.

Last March, I went to Las Vegas for a conference. I was at my deepest point in anorexia, at my lowest weight and terrified of everything. My biggest fear about going to the conference was the food. What would I eat? Would I be able to stay disciplined? Could I possibly return home at the…

Game, Set, Match.

March 29, 2013 – my first weight recording on MyFitnessPal. January 1, 2019 – checked my “all-time” weight recording on MFP for the first time. In just under six years, guess what the weight difference was? ZERO. ZERO. Once more, with feeling. ZERO. I was SHOCKED. Since March 29, 2013, I have dieted. I have…

I’m okay.

A miracle happened this Monday morning. I was driving to work and felt my belly and hips. Employing a coping strategy from treatment, rather than personalizing my thought, I observed it: “Hmm. I feel my belly and hips. I am noticing they are there.” Then, I did the usual next thing. I reached over and…

Facing the kitchen. Literally.

My department moved to a new building on campus last month. Above is the view from my new office. The person in anorexia recovery won the coveted spot directly facing the kitchen. Does anyone else appreciate the irony? I did laugh when I found out. And I mentioned we moved last month…December…the holidays. What I’ve…