How I learned to eat again

I have been learning intuitive eating from the best. She eats freely, enjoying what she wants when she wants in the quantity that is perfectly satisfying. She knows what foods she likes and what foods she doesn’t. She is unafraid to take big bites and lick her fingers. She uses all five of her senses to enjoy a fantastic relationship with food. While she hasn’t written any books and doesn’t have any fancy degrees, I have learned more from her about how to eat intuitively than anyone else. She is my 2.5 year old daughter. When she first learned to…

Recovery Roller Coaster.

My least favorite ride is the Recovery Roller Coaster. Up and down goes the Recovery Roller Coaster. One day I’m UP. Eating three meals and two snacks (my latest directive from Kristen, my dietitian/therapist/all-the-things extraordinaire). I have even wondered some days if I’ve eaten intuitively that day…and then wondered if it’s intuitive if I have to ask? Isn’t intuitive by definition something that just happens naturally? Then I go DOWN. When I look in the mirror right now, I see a big tummy and big legs. My top half is still okay but bigger than it was. I miss seeing…

The real deal on recovery.

What’s tricky about this blog is that most people who go public consider themselves “recovered” or at least beyond the throes of their eating disorder. In contrast, I am quite deep in it. So my goal with this site is to be authentic and honest about what recovery looks like…without being super negative. So, what does recovery really look like? That. I like to be really good at things or I tend to not keep doing them. I played this game called “futsal” that was a combination of basketball and soccer. I hate basketball and soccer so I don’t know…

What matters.

What’s been my biggest security blanket/enemy in my relationship with Ana? The scale. For nine months, JJ and my best friend, as well as my treatment team, have begged me to get rid of it and I refused. Today, I told Jesse to get rid of it, and here’s why. For months, I weighed myself methodically every morning. I did not eat or drink after 8pm the night before. I woke up, got myself ready to give a few more minutes to lose weight, gave my best pee and poo efforts, and stepped on the scale. Twice. Okay, usually three times….