How I learned to eat again

I have been learning intuitive eating from the best. She eats freely, enjoying what she wants when she wants in the quantity that is perfectly satisfying. She knows what foods she likes and what foods she doesn’t. She is unafraid to take big bites and lick her fingers. She uses all five of her senses […]

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What’s “normal” in recovery?

I am in no way “recovered”, even though my body is supposedly smack in the middle of the normal range. I have a lot of issues with the sentence I just wrote.

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Recovery Roller Coaster.

My least favorite ride is the Recovery Roller Coaster. Up and down goes the Recovery Roller Coaster. One day I’m UP. Eating three meals and two snacks (my latest directive from Kristen, my dietitian/therapist/all-the-things extraordinaire). I have even wondered some days if I’ve eaten intuitively that day…and then wondered if it’s intuitive if I have […]

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The real deal on recovery.

What’s tricky about this blog is that most people who go public consider themselves “recovered” or at least beyond the throes of their eating disorder. In contrast, I am quite deep in it. So my goal with this site is to be authentic and honest about what recovery looks like…without being super negative. So, what […]

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What matters.

What’s been my biggest security blanket/enemy in my relationship with Ana? The scale. For nine months, JJ and my best friend, as well as my treatment team, have begged me to get rid of it and I refused. Today, I told Jesse to get rid of it, and here’s why. For months, I weighed myself methodically […]

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Lessons from Portlandia.

Last weekend was my favorite weekend of the year. My kickball team plays in the annual Red Rubber Showdown, a kickball tournament hosted by Underdog Sports Leagues, in Portland, OR. We make a whole thing of it – driving down on Thursday, spending the day together on Friday, the tournament on Saturday, then heading back […]

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Healing – from the inside out or the outside in?

The colloquial phrase is “healing from the inside out” and people always say the inside matters most, right? When it comes to eating disorder treatment, I have been told that I have to do the outside work first. I have to gain weight. I have to eat more. I have to get physically healthy so […]

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