the power of a photo in recovery

I really don’t want to publish this post. But if I want to be open about what anorexia recovery looks like, it includes this. One photo almost took me down… Roommate and I discovered that we were dressed exactly alike on Sunday night, thought it was funny (like how people who live together start to look more like each other – or their pets) and took the picture on the right. She asked if she could post it on FB and without seeing it first, I said sure. When I saw the tagged Facebook photo, my heart dropped and my…

What matters.

What’s been my biggest security blanket/enemy in my relationship with Ana? The scale. For nine months, JJ and my best friend, as well as my treatment team, have begged me to get rid of it and I refused.┬áToday, I told Jesse to get rid of it, and here’s why. For months, I weighed myself methodically every morning. I did not eat or drink after 8pm the night before. I woke up, got myself ready to give a few more minutes to lose weight, gave my best pee and poo efforts, and stepped on the scale. Twice. Okay, usually three times….

It’s not about the food, people.

Yesterday was a big day for me. I had 5 appointments, 4 related to Ana. By the end of the day, I felt the most motivated and committed to recovery than I probably have in this entire journey. My recovery is not just about food, though. I mentioned I had 5 appointments today. Recovery is from anorexia, but it’s also from the severe depression and a lot of self-loathing I’ve had for a long time. It’s about so much more than the food. The food is the visible symptom of much that is complicated underneath. And so my recovery is…