The Recovery Food Pendulum

How many of you recognize this pattern as something you have engaged in, for perhaps many years? SWING INTO RESTRICTIVE EATING! Track calories, restrict fun foods, exercise to burn whatever fun foods I screw up and eat, track more calories, BLAST myself mentally. If I eat anything “bad”, I’m a bad person. If I eat,…

How shopping for a dietitian is like dating

My dietitian and I were together for just under a year, having recently broken up. She was the best dietitian I’ve ever had. We shared so much life, dark and scary moments as well as lots of victories. Everything was wonderful. At first, Kristen and I had an arranged relationship when she was assigned to…

How I learned to eat again

I have been learning intuitive eating from the best. She eats freely, enjoying what she wants when she wants in the quantity that is perfectly satisfying. She knows what foods she likes and what foods she doesn’t. She is unafraid to take big bites and lick her fingers. She uses all five of her senses…

Reckless Love

TRIGGER WARNING: eating disorder behavior in detail At a meal in residential, I placed my napkin in my lap as I was accustomed to doing. The staff person at my table said, “Peggy, no napkins in laps, please.” Innocently and ignorantly, I asked, “What, why?” truly not having a clue why this was a rule….

You can’t be brave if you aren’t scared.

A quote I heard six months ago that stuck in my brain since, from one of the best movies I’d seen in a long time: Maybe I’m the only one, but I suspect not. 8th grade was AWKWARD. I spent most of it being scared, but not brave. Because that’s also accurate: You can be…

Mamaritas

Last night, I went out for “Mamaritas,” my friend’s term for a group of moms going out for margaritas. In order to go, I had to do some things that I’m not accustomed to: Commit about 10 days in advance Hire a babysitter for LK (the first one ever) Stay up past 8:30pm Socialize in…

Ana’s Reason 7.

Series: Under the Surface – Ana’s 13 Reasons Why A series of posts uncovering what is really beneath my anorexia and depression. Reason 1: Genetic Temperament Traits Reason 2: Inheritance Reason 3: My parents’ marriage. And divorce. And remarriage. To each other. Reason 4: Genes load the gun. Environment pulls the trigger. Reason 5: Mama…

the best podcast EVER.

My super amazing anti-diet dietitian recently introduced me to Food Psych, a fantastic podcast about all things body acceptance, including: Diet culture Fat acceptance Eating disorder recovery Intuitive eating Making peace with food AND SO MUCH MORE! Christy Harrison, the host, is absolutely fantastic. She has great experience with food writing (ironically what catalyzed her…

Ana’s Reason 4.

Ana’s Reason 4: Genes load the gun. Environment pulls the trigger.