Reckless Love

TRIGGER WARNING: eating disorder behavior in detail At a meal in residential, I placed my napkin in my lap as I was accustomed to doing. The staff person at my table said, “Peggy, no napkins in laps, please.” Innocently and ignorantly, I asked, “What, why?” truly not having a clue why this was a rule. Residential was full of rules that made no sense to me, many only discovered when I tried to commit the offense and was corrected. I am a good girl, well behaved, and a rule follower. I hated learning the rules this way, especially since it…

You can’t be brave if you aren’t scared.

A quote I heard six months ago that stuck in my brain since, from one of the best movies I’d seen in a long time: Maybe I’m the only one, but I suspect not. 8th grade was AWKWARD. I spent most of it being scared, but not brave. Because that’s also accurate: You can be scared and not brave. Watch this trailer for the movie. Take a couple of minutes. I bet you’ll see yourself, to some degree, in her story. You can just live in the fear and let it overwhelm and suffocate you. I’ve done this for a…

Mamaritas

Last night, I went out for “Mamaritas,” my friend’s term for a group of moms going out for margaritas. In order to go, I had to do some things that I’m not accustomed to: Commit about 10 days in advance Hire a babysitter for LK (the first one ever) Stay up past 8:30pm Socialize in a normal setting I seriously contemplated backing out up until about an hour before. I really wanted to be in my pajamas and sleep. I wasn’t sure what I would eat. I was pretty sure I would be awkward. I prepped myself with a bowl…

Ana’s Reason 7.

Series: Under the Surface – Ana’s 13 Reasons Why A series of posts uncovering what is really beneath my anorexia and depression. Reason 1: Genetic Temperament Traits Reason 2: Inheritance Reason 3: My parents’ marriage. And divorce. And remarriage. To each other. Reason 4: Genes load the gun. Environment pulls the trigger. Reason 5: Mama dies. Reason 6: Unrequited Love. Repeatedly. Reason 7. I never left college. Well, technically I did for about 2 years, but I LOVE ME SOME COLLEGE. I did the fabulous 5-year plan, and truth be told, I did it simply because I loved college and…

the best podcast EVER.

My super amazing anti-diet dietitian recently introduced me to Food Psych, a fantastic podcast about all things body acceptance, including: Diet culture Fat acceptance Eating disorder recovery Intuitive eating Making peace with food AND SO MUCH MORE! Christy Harrison, the host, is absolutely fantastic. She has great experience with food writing (ironically what catalyzed her own ED recovery), and has been educated, trained, and taught/counseled as a (anti-diet) dietitian for many years. Each episode, she interviews an expert in one of the areas around body acceptance so you also learn about other great people in this movement. I have added…

Ana’s Reason 2.

Series: Under the Surface – Ana’s 13 Reasons Why A series of posts uncovering what is really beneath my anorexia and depression. Reason 1: Genetic Temperament Traits Reason 2: Inheritance. Anyone else think they inherited a lot of who they are from their parents? Maybe hair color, eye color, body shape? For me, I can identify those things and also a few more. Each of my parents had a host of both mental and physical illnesses. As I have explored the whys of Ana, I have to think that my parents passed down at least some of it to me….