My body, an heirloom

Sonalee Rashatwar, a sex therapist and fat activist, was a guest on Christy Harrison’s (and my favorite) podcast, Food Psych, recently (episode 180, check it out). I was listening along, it was all very interesting, when Sonalee says: I consider my body as an heirloom. Have you ever thought of your body as a family heirloom? I have tried to explain on this blog the pervasive sense of loss and feeling of being alone that have resulted from the deaths of my parents and grandparents, without having any siblings. I have come up short every time. Twenty-one years of loss…

Jesse’s Girl: Support in Recovery

So, the song goes, “I wish that I had Jessie’s girl,” because some dude is lusting after his friend’s woman. This post isn’t so much about that. In my head that song is more like other girls singing, “I wish that I was Jesse’s Girl” because let me tell you, my man is the good stuff. And, he’s HOTTER than Rick Springfield. The best way to get support is to ask for it. Trust me, I know this is hard. When you’re in the throes of an eating disorder, secrecy is king. I get it. The LAST THING you want…

Game Changer

“Success or failure can only be measured according to self-imposed goals.” Landis, R. B. (2013). Studying engineering: A road map to a rewarding career. Los Angeles, CA: Discovery Press) 3 Game Changing Conclusions: Whether you succeed or fail is decided by YOU. Other people – your spouse, parents, kids, boss, friends – do NOT decide whether you succeed or fail. I need some goals in order to succeed or fail. I only know if I’ve succeeded or failed by my own goals. Goals that I have set. I decide what is success. I decide what is failure. The only way other…

Reckless Love

TRIGGER WARNING: eating disorder behavior in detail At a meal in residential, I placed my napkin in my lap as I was accustomed to doing. The staff person at my table said, “Peggy, no napkins in laps, please.” Innocently and ignorantly, I asked, “What, why?” truly not having a clue why this was a rule. Residential was full of rules that made no sense to me, many only discovered when I tried to commit the offense and was corrected. I am a good girl, well behaved, and a rule follower. I hated learning the rules this way, especially since it…

#mommystrong’s greatest hits

Because many people have started following #mommystrong recently (thank you!), I wanted to direct followers to my most popular and favorite posts (this mirrors the Best of #mommystrong page so you can always refer back there as well). My two main goals with this blog are: Support those who are experiencing eating disorders to feel that recovery is possible and provide resources. Self catharsis as I process and reflect my own anorexia recovery journey. My Story After 40 years, God showed up. The best frenemy there ever was. And I do mean WAS. On aging and anorexia Ten years an…

Not sick enough.

It’s common for people with eating disorders to not feel “sick enough” to be diagnosed or get treatment, or even think there’s anything wrong with their “diet.” I am one of those people. Even to this day, I question if I was ever as sick as my treatment team tried to make it sound. I thought they were just trying to scare me. I was so depleted one evening that I had to stop in the middle of cooking dinner because I couldn’t stand. JJ had to finish cooking. I blacked out several times. I had leg cramps most nights….

You can’t be brave if you aren’t scared.

A quote I heard six months ago that stuck in my brain since, from one of the best movies I’d seen in a long time: Maybe I’m the only one, but I suspect not. 8th grade was AWKWARD. I spent most of it being scared, but not brave. Because that’s also accurate: You can be scared and not brave. Watch this trailer for the movie. Take a couple of minutes. I bet you’ll see yourself, to some degree, in her story. You can just live in the fear and let it overwhelm and suffocate you. I’ve done this for a…