My body, an heirloom

Sonalee Rashatwar, a sex therapist and fat activist, was a guest on Christy Harrison’s (and my favorite) podcast, Food Psych, recently (episode 180, check it out). I was listening along, it was all very interesting, when Sonalee says: I consider my body as an heirloom. Have you ever thought of your body as a family heirloom? I have tried to explain on this blog the pervasive sense of loss and feeling of being alone that have resulted from the deaths of my parents and grandparents, without having any siblings. I have come up short every time. Twenty-one years of loss…

Jesse’s Girl: Support in Recovery

So, the song goes, “I wish that I had Jessie’s girl,” because some dude is lusting after his friend’s woman. This post isn’t so much about that. In my head that song is more like other girls singing, “I wish that I was Jesse’s Girl” because let me tell you, my man is the good stuff. And, he’s HOTTER than Rick Springfield. The best way to get support is to ask for it. Trust me, I know this is hard. When you’re in the throes of an eating disorder, secrecy is king. I get it. The LAST THING you want…

Treatment friends and empathy.

On my anorexia recovery journey, I spent 3 weeks in a daytime treatment program and 6 weeks in a residential treatment program in 2018. On my first day in the day program, during breakfast, I thought I had entered a looney bin. And I didn’t belong there. I learned more about empathy in those 9 weeks than I have in my entire life. Your family doesn’t get it. Your closest friends don’t get it. They all misfire accidentally or (even worse) intentionally in their attempts to spur you on to a recovered self. But treatment friends, people who have never…

Ana’s Reason 12.

Series: Under the Surface – Ana’s 13 Reasons Why A series of posts uncovering what is really beneath my anorexia and depression. Reason 1: Genetic Temperament Traits Reason 2: Inheritance Reason 3: My parents’ marriage. And divorce. And remarriage. To each other. Reason 4: Genes load the gun. Environment pulls the trigger. Reason 5: Mama dies. Reason 6: Unrequited Love. Repeatedly. Reason 7: I never left college. Reason 8: I went from only child/grandchild to orphan in three months. Reason 9: Stuck in Seattle. Reason 10: Friendless. Reason 11: 2600 miles from family and framily. Reason 12. All things post-partum….

Ana’s Reasons 9-11.

For two reasons, I’m combining Ana’s Reasons 9-11: They feel super intertwined to the point that I’m not sure how to write separate posts about them, yet they feel distinct enough to warrant each being a reason. I’m getting tired of this series and ready to move on. I’m not sure anymore that  ruminating on all the whys of Ana is helpful, and in fact, may be starting to become detrimental to my recovery. Series: Under the Surface – Ana’s 13 Reasons Why A series of posts uncovering what is really beneath my anorexia and depression. Reason 1: Genetic Temperament…

Ana’s Reason 5.

Series: Under the Surface – Ana’s 13 Reasons Why A series of posts uncovering what is really beneath my anorexia and depression. Reason 1: Genetic Temperament Traits Reason 2: Inheritance Reason 3: My parents’ marriage. And divorce. And remarriage. To each other. Reason 4: Genes load the gun. Environment pulls the trigger. Reason 5. Mama dies. As coincidence might have it, today is the day for Reason #5, which I wrote a long time ago: Mama dies. Today is also the 21st anniversary of her death. Mama was one of a kind. She had kidney problems from early in life,…