My body, an heirloom

Sonalee Rashatwar, a sex therapist and fat activist, was a guest on Christy Harrison’s (and my favorite) podcast, Food Psych, recently (episode 180, check it out). I was listening along, it was all very interesting, when Sonalee says: I consider my body as an heirloom. Have you ever thought of your body as a family heirloom? I have tried to explain on this blog the pervasive sense of loss and feeling of being alone that have resulted from the deaths of my parents and grandparents, without having any siblings. I have come up short every time. Twenty-one years of loss…

Jesse’s Girl: Support in Recovery

So, the song goes, “I wish that I had Jessie’s girl,” because some dude is lusting after his friend’s woman. This post isn’t so much about that. In my head that song is more like other girls singing, “I wish that I was Jesse’s Girl” because let me tell you, my man is the good stuff. And, he’s HOTTER than Rick Springfield. The best way to get support is to ask for it. Trust me, I know this is hard. When you’re in the throes of an eating disorder, secrecy is king. I get it. The LAST THING you want…

Want to #feelallthefeels? Try this…

Have you ever realized when you say, “I feel fat,” that can’t possibly be true? In daytime treatment, at nearly every meal, this conversation took place: Therapist: How do you feel? Client: I feel fat. Therapist: Fat is not a feeling. How do you feel? Client (in their head): As a person with anorexia… I respectfully (most of the time) disagreed with the notion that fat is not a feeling when I was in treatment. The feeling of fat was extraordinarily real to me. I felt literally like I was expanding with each bite. I could feel the extra flesh…

Game Changer

“Success or failure can only be measured according to self-imposed goals.” Landis, R. B. (2013). Studying engineering: A road map to a rewarding career. Los Angeles, CA: Discovery Press) 3 Game Changing Conclusions: Whether you succeed or fail is decided by YOU. Other people – your spouse, parents, kids, boss, friends – do NOT decide whether you succeed or fail. I need some goals in order to succeed or fail. I only know if I’ve succeeded or failed by my own goals. Goals that I have set. I decide what is success. I decide what is failure. The only way other…

Reckless Love

TRIGGER WARNING: eating disorder behavior in detail At a meal in residential, I placed my napkin in my lap as I was accustomed to doing. The staff person at my table said, “Peggy, no napkins in laps, please.” Innocently and ignorantly, I asked, “What, why?” truly not having a clue why this was a rule. Residential was full of rules that made no sense to me, many only discovered when I tried to commit the offense and was corrected. I am a good girl, well behaved, and a rule follower. I hated learning the rules this way, especially since it…