Hurry up, Recovery.

I’ve learned a lot over the past year and some change that I’ve been in eating disorder recovery. And I’ve learned that patience is required to get better. I start moving in the right direction, and in an instant, I’m swept away by Ana and her promises of the perfect life, if only I am small. It is common for people with anorexia to be perfectionists. Guess what perfectionists are short on? PATIENCE. I just want it to be perfect, every time. I don’t want to try and fail over and over again in order to succeed. That makes me…

How shopping for a dietitian is like dating

My dietitian and I were together for just under a year, having recently broken up. She was the best dietitian I’ve ever had. We shared so much life, dark and scary moments as well as lots of victories. Everything was wonderful. At first, Kristen and I had an arranged relationship when she was assigned to me for treatment; however, the first time I met Kristen was not for an appointment. I’ll never forget how she came bounding into our group room for my second ever snack at daytime treatment, as the staff person who was assigned to be there. (Let…

the power of a photo in recovery

I really don’t want to publish this post. But if I want to be open about what anorexia recovery looks like, it includes this. One photo almost took me down… Roommate and I discovered that we were dressed exactly alike on Sunday night, thought it was funny (like how people who live together start to look more like each other – or their pets) and took the picture on the right. She asked if she could post it on FB and without seeing it first, I said sure. When I saw the tagged Facebook photo, my heart dropped and my…

How I learned to eat again

I have been learning intuitive eating from the best. She eats freely, enjoying what she wants when she wants in the quantity that is perfectly satisfying. She knows what foods she likes and what foods she doesn’t. She is unafraid to take big bites and lick her fingers. She uses all five of her senses to enjoy a fantastic relationship with food. While she hasn’t written any books and doesn’t have any fancy degrees, I have learned more from her about how to eat intuitively than anyone else. She is my 2.5 year old daughter. When she first learned to…

My body, an heirloom

Sonalee Rashatwar, a sex therapist and fat activist, was a guest on Christy Harrison’s (and my favorite) podcast, Food Psych, recently (episode 180, check it out). I was listening along, it was all very interesting, when Sonalee says: I consider my body as an heirloom. Have you ever thought of your body as a family heirloom? I have tried to explain on this blog the pervasive sense of loss and feeling of being alone that have resulted from the deaths of my parents and grandparents, without having any siblings. I have come up short every time. Twenty-one years of loss…