Last night, I went out for “Mamaritas,” my friend’s term for a group of moms going out for margaritas. In order to go, I had to do some things that I’m not accustomed to:

  1. Commit about 10 days in advance
  2. Hire a babysitter for LK (the first one ever)
  3. Stay up past 8:30pm
  4. Socialize in a normal setting

I seriously contemplated backing out up until about an hour before. I really wanted to be in my pajamas and sleep. I wasn’t sure what I would eat. I was pretty sure I would be awkward.

I prepped myself with a bowl of cereal before going so I wouldn’t be super hungry and want to get a big Mexican food meal. Point – Ana.

When I walked in, BFF gasped with joy to see me. Somehow, she didn’t realize I was coming and was pleasantly surprised. Immediately, I was glad I came. It strikes me as very odd that someone would be so happy to see me, but this is why she is BFF.


The first thing I said was, “I know how to bring the fun,” as I slapped my Last Will & Testament on the table. See, I told you…awkward. Well, too bad. I needed two witnesses to sign and I had them.

As usual, I did find it challenging to participate in a group conversation. I do okay when it’s just me and one other person. I still listen more than I talk most of the time, mostly out of not knowing what someone else really cares about hearing me say. But in a group, the challenge is exponentially greater. Now, my brain constantly questions how do I say something that ALL of these people will care about hearing? When do I chime in, as it seems hard to find a gap? Two of these friends have been having an exceptionally difficult year, and it rarely occurs to me that I have something important to say in comparison.

So, when did I choose to open my mouth? When one of my friends was describing someone as, “She has lots of charisma but then crashes…”

And I said, “Oh, like a carbohydrate.”

They all laughed hysterically and someone said they love the things I say. I thought it was moronic. Here we are, having a mamarita (read: adult-ish) conversation and I speak up by comparing a woman to a carb. Recovering Anorexic? Party of one.

I decided to take another chance later by bringing up my recent experiences trying to find a new place for our family to live. JJ wants a multi-family unit where he can make some money, and I mostly just want a nice family home. Good luck to our realtor.

I was the first to say I needed to go, but I had enjoyed myself. It helps that the group included: BFF, roommate/friend, and new friend (incidentally, also the realtor), who are all the kind of people that can actively engage inanimate objects in friendly and robust banter.

Texas is healing my soul. This is why I moved back. This is home. Community. Value. Belonging. And of course, sunshine.

P.S. I had a cheese quesadilla. Well, half of it. And it was perfect.


2 Comments Add yours

  1. I loved this. So glad you went!

  2. Julie says:

    I can 100% relate to overthinking in my head anything I would say in a social setting, worrying whether it will be well received or whether people will think I’m an idiot for opening my mouth; but then I try to remind myself that I love it when other people tell me things…doesn’t really matter what, so I tell myself other people will probably be happy I’m joining the conversation regardless of what I say. Of course I still run in my mind what would have been more clever, cooler, or better to say than what I actually said.

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