I’m okay.

A miracle happened this Monday morning.

I was driving to work and felt my belly and hips. Employing a coping strategy from treatment, rather than personalizing my thought, I observed it: “Hmm. I feel my belly and hips. I am noticing they are there.”

Then, I did the usual next thing. I reached over and pinched my side. I felt the extra skin and extra me that is now there where it wasn’t before. I observed it: “I feel this extra skin.”

Then, something totally miraculous happened. I thought, “I’m okay.”

Wow. I haven’t thought, “I’m okay” in a really long time. It felt good to think that I’m okay.

I started I Thought It Was Just Me by Dr. Brene Brown over the weekend. Everyone talks about Brene Brown. Most people love her; a few don’t. If you don’t know much about her, the research focus she has taken on regards shame. Not the most fun topic, and she admits it.

I have tried reading her books previously, but they always just felt like too much. I can’t take this on. I can’t grapple with my imperfections. It will take an hour to read each page, if I really want to let it sink in. I would rather read another book on eating disorder recovery or body image, preferably a memoir, thank you very much.

Yesterday, though, I started and couldn’t stop. Beyond the title, the sub-title is actually what hits home for me the most:

I Thought It was Just Me (But It Isn’t): Making the Journey from “What Will People Think?” to “I am Enough”

That. That is the goal. To believe I am enough.

Shame resilience, a term Brown coined, is a powerful concept. I’ve been diving in the depths of shame my entire life, believing I am not worthy of love or acceptance. Me. As a person. Not my behaviors, but who I actually am. This is shame.

Shame resilience says, “I recognize that as shame, and I can move through it in an authentic way that allows me to grow from my experiences.” 

shame resilience open heart

When I feel the shame coming on, “I am disgusting. I am unlovable,” shame resilience responds, “I feel unlovable because of this extra me I’m carrying around. But I’m not unlovable. I have a husband who tells me everyday how much he loves me and is moving his life to Texas for me. I have a daughter who wants me with her all the time. I have a friend who is letting me live with her temporarily because we needed a space. This is being loved. I am lovable for who I am, not my body.”


  1. Christine

    Love this Pegs!

  2. Yep, this is it. Letting the feelings come, without judgement, and then letting them go. Not giving them power of you.. It’s a big one, isn’t it?

    1. YES! Unfortunately I definitely haven’t felt ok yesterday or especially today. I jinxed it.

      1. It really is such a process!

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