Selectively social and new jeans.

On (or really, Off) Social Media

It finally happened. I became happier without Facebook than with it. Okay, honestly, that probably would have been the case a long time ago if I had tried it out. I deactivated my FB account before the holiday and was enjoying NOT knowing what was going on in everyone else’s social media lives. I didn’t constantly think about how my life wasn’t looking as good as everyone else’s and feeling like a bad mom for not taking LK to get Santa pics. I haven’t completely closed it, as that feels so very permanent, and what if…I want to get back on it and be miserable and semi-informed on the lives of people I probably would avoid if I saw them in person? Hmm. Maybe I should close the account.

I created a new Instagram that is just for me and the body positive/recovery Instas that I want to follow. I still have my personal one, but haven’t looked at it. I am happy just seeing all the memes, affirmations, and pictures of people who are focused on being well.

I’ve also talked to my friends more. The ones I want to keep up with, turns out, do not require social media accounts (gasp!).


New F*!@-ing Blue Jeans

FYI, I’ve been wearing yoga pants or leggings for about 2 months now because my pants don’t fit anymore. Rather than face this part of the anorexia recovery process, I chose to just keep wearing things that would stretch to make room for the extra me that I am carrying around now.


While JJ was in town for the holiday, I decided to go shopping. I got in the car, and considered just driving to Starbucks and reading a book instead. Then I realized I could just go to the store and look. Or I could look and try things on. No one said I had to buy anything. Okay, I can do that.

Old Navy has always been very hit or miss with me. Within 5 seconds of walking in, I know if I’m going to want everything or nothing. Despite my trepidation of buying clothing (particularly pants/jeans) this particular time, I could tell when I walked in this would be a productive visit.

I guessed my new jeans size and got 5 different pair of different fits all in the same size. I had either guessed right or wrong. Here’s the deal, though: our fashion industry is seriously screwed up. Those 5 pair all in the same size?

  • 2 pair: fit great
  • 1 pair: too big
  • 2 pair: too small

Whatever, so it’s screwed up. I had found 2 pair of jeans. I was the tiniest bit happy about that…but the number on the label had me recovery trippin’. How had I allowed this to happen? How had I changed this much in such a short time? Pffftttt.

It took me 2 days to wear one of the pair, and I still haven’t worn the other. Somehow, I think they won’t fit anymore and I will feel like dying. Now that I have worn the first pair three times without washing them, they are a little loose and I feel like I can cope.

For the moment, I am trying to stop the negative talk and move forward.


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