My discharge date was originally June 6, based on my admit date and their average stay. It was moved to June 13. Then it was moved to June 20.

I have started getting pretty comfortable at res. I have learned the rules. I am protected from the outside world and its pressures. I don’t have to deal with people, except the people here. I want to stay in this nice bubble forever. But I know I can’t.

My therapist told me on Thursday that my date is now June 19, due to my insurance review dates and her starting a vacation on the 20th. That was fine; it was the next thing she said that made me want to curl up in a ball at best, and just give up completely at worst.

She said my treatment team was considering a recommendation of outpatient as my next step. That would be once a week with a therapist and once a week with a dietitian. Two hours of support per week.

The reason I understood being given: I have not developed enough motivation to go to PHP. Sometimes in these cases, it makes sense to send people to outpatient where they will surely fail and that failure will bring about the motivation to recover that is needed.

What I heard: You aren’t motivated enough to keep working with at an intensive level. We think you’ll fail miserably at outpatient and then maybe you’ll want to recover. We give up on you.

Through some conversations, my therapist has come around to the idea of a PHP recommendation IF I am willing to participate in the program, including the weight restoration. I honestly cannot figure out how to possible accept the idea of weight restoration. I have gained 8 pounds in 8.5 weeks of treatment (3.5 at PHP, 5 at res). That’s pretty below the expectation, though it’s very noticeable and uncomfortable for me.

Recommendation: PHP or outpatient.

Recommendation: It may possibly work or we think you will fail miserably.

Recommendation: If you’re willing to get fat we can help you or you’re on your own. Good luck.

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