People know.

117.2. Officially underweight.

I went to a surprise bachelorette weekend for my friend who is getting married soon. It was 8 girls total, 4 of which I’m closer to, and 2 of those I am really close to.

I have been simultaneously really excited about this trip, but also dreading/terrified of it. How would I survive 3 days of being around these girls and not overeat?

I got by fairly well, all things considered. I brought my hot tea from home, and packed a set of workout clothes in case I got out of control. I also planned ahead for the spaghetti night to do my spaghetti squash.

The hardest day involved lots of food, and desserts. I managed to only eat 594 calories all day. But after they all went to bed, I couldn’t stop thinking about the petit fours. I went to the kitchen in secret and ate a few petit fours and other treats. Then I felt horrible, physically and emotionally/mentally. I went to the bathroom and tried to throw up but as always, couldn’t do it. So I determined to go for a run in the morning.

No one said anything during the whole trip, and I thought, “Well, clearly I’m not skinny enough because no one has even noticed”.

I wasn’t sure if I would end up telling any of them, but I did know I wouldn’t tell them until the end of the trip. One, I didn’t want to infringe on the celebration of our friend, and two, I didn’t want any attention on my eating or they would then maybe try to fix me or at the very least, it would be awkward during meals.

On the 5 hour drive back to the airport with the girls I’m closer to, I told them what’s been going on. They were very supportive, but I started to freak out that PEOPLE KNOW now.

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